In the
heat of the moment,
I scratch
your back with my nails,
So that
when you lie down with her,
She is
going to know,
Know that
I was here.
But that
deep welt on your neck,
Did she
put it there?
Was she
also marking her territory,
So I
would also know,
Know that
she was there?
I let my
perfume mix with your cologne,
Let you
run your hands into my perfumed hair,
So that
if or when you go to her next,
She is
going to smell me on you,
And know
that,
Know that
I was here.
But that
sweet smell on your body,
Is it a
mixture of her scent and yours?
Were you
in her arms then?
And did
she rub her perfume onto you
So that I
would smell her on you,
And know
that,
Know that
she was there?
When she
kisses you,
Does she
taste me on your lips,
On your
palate and tongue.
And when
I kiss you,
Is it her
I taste on your lips,
On your
palate and your tongue?
Very interesting. I like it. It written in a simple manner bringing out the double-edged element of such situations. If you do edit afterwards 2 considerations would be: 1 - In the 4th stanza you could have used another sense like touch. The way he rubs her could be because of the practice he has had rubbing you or the other way round. 2. The sexual intensity does not come out too much (unless this is what you wanted) coz such situation are about intensity. the last stanza could have been cladded in sharp sexual imagery. It would have a shock effect and make the poem even more memorable. Something like "And when you pierce me, is the sensation borrowed from her loins..." or you would know better. But great read...
ReplyDeleteThank you Patrick for your feedback, glad you found time to read through my piece. Your contribution is soo appreciated. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Patrick for your feedback, glad you found time to read through my piece. Your contribution is soo appreciated. :)
ReplyDeleteNo prob. Alert me when u next post. @krugamotion. Was looking for writing inspiration so zikomo. Hopefully something will start streaming soon...
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