Déjà vu

Hello pain!

            Hello melancholy!

                        Hello solitude!

                                    Hello grief!

                                                Hello again bitterness!

Teetering and tottering in the dark,

Groping blindly for some sanity,

Trying to understand how I got here!

This feeling ain’t new though,

Even though it has been a long time since I have felt like this!

I have been here before,

This deep-dark-lane,

Where the sun does not shine,

And the sky is constantly angry and sulking,

Scowling down at me!

How I have slipped back into this chasm of anguish I do not know,

I have been down this road before,

This empty, broken grey boulevard,

Where gusts of winds of anguish tug at your hair as you trudge on,

Stinging your cheeks and leaving them raw!

I have been this crushed before,

Did not know what to do with my poor heart,

And God knows how I fought to drag myself out of that dark dingy tunnel,

God knows how I nursed myself back to being a gay being again,

Lord knows how far I have come,

And Lord knows how much of myself I have given…

…only to plunge back into these murky waters

That threaten to drown me!